On creativity, perfectionism, and the power of small changes

How I'm trying to find inspiration, re-learn how to play, and create routines that help me thrive.

Creativity ebbs and flows, and I have been creatively stuck for a while.

For the last couple of years, I've focused all my creative energy on renovating our house, and designing the garden, orchard, and vegetable plot.

The house and exterior areas are by no means finished and there's still quite a lot of work to do - especially in the garden which is in constant evolution and so never really "done" - but overall there's little left for me to create, and it's now more a matter of my husband finding the time, and the will, to complete a few jobs here and there.

This year, I started a painting, did a few pages in my art journal, took photos, arranged flowers, experimented and had fun in the kitchen, decorated wreaths, and wrote a few posts here - so I haven't been creatively idle, but I seem to be missing motivation and vision.

Last month, I attended a free event held by Emma Griffin, in which you could ask for guidance on any aspect of your life.

I told her about my lack of motivation and the feeling of being stuck, and asked how I could possibly find a way out of this uncomfortable state.

And it is uncomfortable, because it seems like I'm spending my days without intention, wandering in the dark, spending a lot of time reading and researching - which is enjoyable but somehow passive - and if not balanced with creative activities leaves me tired, despondent, and even more demotivated.

Among other things, she told me that until now I have been using my talents, but not my gifts - the difference being that using talents eventually leads to exhaustion, whilst using gifts is uplifting and energising.

What she said was quite interesting, and struck a chord.

I then asked what I could do to discover my gifts, and the answer was to play.

And here comes the challenge.

I'm a perfectionist - a recovering one, I like to say, but perfectionism still pretty much guides my actions and I need to be very careful not to fall into its trap.

Perfectionism can be paralysing, and it's certainly not conducive to playtime.

I thought of ways to just have fun, following little sparks of inspiration, to see if they ignite my enthusiasm and help me discover my gifts, but I had no idea how to start.

I appear to have forgotten how to truly play, like a child does - with wild abandon and total disregard for the final result.

Then one day, whilst I was tidying up my bookcase, I came a cross a book by Keri Smith, The Imaginary World of....

I bought it years ago, in the UK, but I never read it - in fact, I hardly opened it.

I love books, and one of the things I miss the most about not living in an English-speaking country is time spent in bookshops, perusing titles to my heart's content, looking for a book that catches my eyes and begs to go home with me.

When that happens I always buy the book, knowing that even if I don't immediately read it, the time will come when I'll be ready for its wisdom.

Keri Smith’s book sits on my desk, patiently waiting for me to open it and start playing. So far, I've only written my name on the cover, and decorated the first page.

Every time I look at it, I think that this is not the right time to play - at least, not for my inner perfectionist.

So, to soothe her and invite her to play, I want to set a time during the week just for having fun with the book, messing around without expectations, until it all turns into a habit.

The rebel in me dislikes rules and any other type of constraint on my time and self-expression, including routines.

At the same time, if I have too much freedom my attention scatters, and I tend to wander aimlessly through my day, skipping from task to task like a butterfly drifting from flower to flower.

I usually end up accomplishing very little, and feeling disgruntled and frustrated.

I've always thought of routines as something to steer clear of, at the risk of turning life into a boring, stagnating affair, but it turns out that I actually need routines to thrive - adaptable routines of my own creation that I don't perceive as a burden.

Easier said than done.

My inner perfectionist wants to do everything just right, and all at once.

Until now, I’ve tried to completely upend my day to create the "perfect" routine, but going from a flexible, unstructured day to a rigidly organised one is too arduous for me - as my many failed attempts demonstrate.

My new approach is to change one small thing in my day, do it until it becomes a habit, and then add a new task immediately after, to make the habit-forming process as easy as possible.

It's a work in progress, but my small changes are triggering a much bigger change within, and it feels like I might be on the right path.

My first change has been to get up earlier, which is quite a challenge for me.

I was the child that needed to be told umpteen times to get up and get ready for school, and later the woman who had to have three alarm clocks set ten minutes apart, two in the bedroom and one in the living room, to force herself out of bed.

These days, my husband wakes me up with a cup of herbal tea, and I sit up because I don't want the tea to get cold.

Spending some time sipping tea, thinking about my intentions for the day ahead, is a gentle way to get up that suits me quite well.

Since Monday, I have added another small change: after drinking my tea, I write.

Whether I write in bed or at my desk, I'm giving myself permission to be messy and follow my train of thought, letting my mind wander, just like when I write in my journal.

The focus in on the process - not the final result.

Freed from all expectations, my inner perfectionist can relax and write, and I trust that from all the confused thoughts something good will eventually emerge.

Another change that I've recently introduced is a weekly creative session with friends.

We meet, light a candle, put some music on, and then spend a couple of hours working on our own personal projects - painting, collage, knitting - anything we feel drawn to do on the day.

This coming together of two or more people sparks something special. It's as if by sharing our creative time our intentions grow stronger, and we create a sacred space, filled with inspiration, imagination, positive energy, support, and hope - a truly magical experience.

So far we've met twice, and for the future we've decided to meet on Mondays, so our week will begin with creativity, connection, and friendship - a perfect start.

It's too early to see the full effect of these small changes on my motivation and inspiration.
I'll let you know how this journey evolves, but for the first time in months I feel hopeful, and that's enough for the moment.